..Metaphor for a missing moment..

It's been forever.

2009-09-29T08:40:47Z

Reading through my past journals and old entries. It's funny how much life has changed. How much I have been through. Devan was alive the last time I wrote in here, he is now deceased. I wasn't addicted. I hadn't met Joey Jordison yet, which has made my life completely insane. Living the life of a rock star vicariously is not only unhealthy, it's absurd. I wish I could go back to the days when I thought life was complicated. Where the only real worry I had was getting my homework done. Ha. How things change..

Wow.

2006-05-11T23:50:58Z

Wow. It's so crazy to see how much shit has changed since the last time I updated this. If I only knew then what happened now. I wouldn't have believed it..all the lies..all of his fucking lies. I'm so pissed right now. I'm actually just reaching the end of this shit..and then..it was sooo long ago. Things were so good, or so I thought. Were, as in Dev and I are over for good now. He's such a manipulative person-such a liar. He broke me, and he twisted me, and then stepped on what was left yesterday. Wow. And then there's this girl, this other girl that seems soooo nice, and so real and honest, and he's trying to hurt her too. It's too much. I can't deal with him and his shit anymore. It's been too much. I'm done, I don't even care anymore. And it feels good.

adorabalex @ 2005-08-09T23:45:00

2005-08-10T03:49:02Z

It really seems like forever since I've last been on here. Things have been really well; summer has been amazing.

Lots of things have happened, both good and bad. I'm so excited for the new year ahead!

Fod.uhmert.

2005-03-27T05:38:42Z

Hey.

I haven't updated in a while. Sorry for that.

All is well here I guess you can say; Dev and I just hit our nine month, vball is vball, and yeah haha. I started modeling/acting shit again, and I already got five new jobs which is pretty kick ass. I get to start rehearsing for a summer clothing fashion show haha. Yeah..

But uhm, its Spring break, cool cool. Some sweet shit better go down.

Wow I'm bored. Bye.

Yay!

2005-02-21T04:38:23Z

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Haha uhh....what are you?

Yeah..so

2005-02-21T04:01:41Z

Hey.

Nothing has been really "up" lately. Dev's in Ohio which completely blows, I miss him. But he's been a butt lately, I guess its my fault because I can't trust anyone ever, but I can't help my emotions and the fact I have shit for a temper. I need counceling..I think. I can't help it, I care so much about it..I worry he's going to mess up.

I get my fucking license tomorrow, hell yes. I want cheers from EVERYONE!

School's been boring as hell lately. I can't stand this time of the school year, right in the middle, right in the dead zone..a time with endless snow..depression..and shit for a winter break this year. It's terrible..I can't wait for spring..or summer..or something incredible to happen.

I'm on Ritalin now..20 mg three times a day baby i'm a big baller!

Volleyball is still going on, we have a huge game tomorrow so if anyone is bored like crazy come, its at 7 at Novi High. Big stuff, its for the KVC title..haha..

Kari's parents are going out of town soon, soooo sweet. Well kind of soon though..

Random: I hate it when you begin to trust someone, and you think they feel mutually about you. Then you get mad, because you have no idea they don't have service on thier phone, and you call them, and miss them, and then you begin to get pissed. They don't call, nothing. Then you talk to them and your md and freaking out, and they blow up and tell you they might want to leave. Yeah, I get crazy sometimes, but its because the same person hurt me sooooo bad before, like killed me, and so I'm afraid still...not half as much..but I have relapses..and they NEVER EVER understand me or try, they just get pissed and then try to bitch me around and I HATE IT...aahhahahKJAHDKUHSFA!!!! Someone help please. How do you trust someone more???

Anyway, yeah..you can see everything is fine..and I swear it is.

I've been very sick lately. Ill to the fullest extent, its terrible. I missed so much homework, I'm so behind now.

Yeah..I'm out..i'm tired..if anyone is lonely and needs a kittie by the way, we have one that needs a home..its a boy..and its a very very very nice cat.

-alex

adorabalex @ 2005-01-30T01:25:00

2005-01-30T06:24:37Z

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You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.
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Devy wevy!

2005-01-30T06:18:06Z

Today was a pretty good day. Devan and I made up and I think we are back to being young birds in love. I couldn't be anymore happy. but it still feels like something is wierd or missing. I don't know why.

I talked to Chad on the phone tonight, he's wierd on the phone. It was the first time we've ever really talk talked on the phone haha. He's soooo goofy.

No club today. Kind of funny. I was sad, no one ever called.

Stupid freshman tournament today. That was terrible. And tomorrow is another day full of fuckin' volleyball, ggreeaaattt.

But yeah, this weekend wasn't really good. I had food poisoning friday which was terrible, and so on. Today was good because I got to see mah love, and things are looking brighter after they looked so hopeless. Yay! Hehe. But yeah...

Yeah..haha prime.

2005-01-28T03:51:08Z

Today Graham and chad came to my volleyball game. Later on Kari and Steve came. We won so it rocked. Afterwards Gizza and Chad swopped me up, and we went out for donuts haha. They are so wierd. Its frightening.

Devan and I still aren't talking. He sent me a text message tonight and told me that he loved me. Ha....

This weekend should be fuckin' hep as hell. Fuck yeah. I'm so excited. I'm out.

vcrefggggggggg

2005-01-26T02:11:27Z

Since you've been gone..

Things have been suprisingly good lately. Devan and I are still on our break, I don't know what is really going to happen with that. But, for some reason, I'm really okay with whatever does happen. If he leaves, I'm ready, if he stays..I don't know.

I went to the basketball game tonight to watch John play. He rocks so much. He came to my game yesterday, it was so nice of him, I've been having such a bad time lately, it made me feel so happy.

Yeah..so I dunno. Nothing else is really up, that's about all. I've been bored lately, I feel as if I'm deteriorating. Perhaps I really am. Who knows.

Canddoley.

2005-01-23T20:25:46Z

Yoodley, doodley.

Yesterday, started off being the worst day ever. Devan and I are on a break from talking, he was supposed to come over to my house to talk about everything, and he didn't so I basically sat there crying until around 6-30 when Graham randomly came over, and offered to take me out to coffee to make me feel better, I wasn't really up to it, I wanted to just sit home and eat ice cream really, but he seriously, would not leave. I was a mess. Haha, yeah. Yesterday night was fuckin' awesome. Graham, and I went over to Chad's house yesterday evening, around 7 o' clock from dinner. We hung out there with him, and John, then later on Jim Pianki came over, well around like 12. We basically sat around, and were bad kids. We watched this thing called SCTV until like 3 in the morning, it was so funny. And a really good time, it was much needed considering how bad my friday was and early Saturday afternoon. Aren't guys great? Chad starts back at school on Monday, ha.

But yeah, today will bring a lot of homework and volleyball practice- ooh. Jumping rope, and moving around does not sound good at all. Not to mention I just ate some of the worst food on the planet. Ew, gross.

Hmph. Yeah. Things have kind of been sucking a lot lately. This weekend was I dunno. I really wanted to hang out with Kc, but yesterday Graham randomly shows up, and I was a mess, and no fun until like 5 hours later. Friday- god. Ergh. I dunno. I suck.

School is back and in full force tomorrow. Mid-terms have now officially ended, yippe! But yeah, I dunno.

I'm out. Things rock.

Shit

2005-01-19T20:09:15Z

Hello.

Finals have been all this week which kind of sucks. Thye have been easy for the most part, in exception for the Physics final which I knew would be ridiculous. Dev's up north, well he was yesterday, it was his birthday, and he should be returning home soon which is good. Things between us are well, I miss him. A lot.

I spoke with Sir Chad yesterday for the longest time. We spoke the day before for a while, and then yesterday until 230 in the morning about, well, basically everything. We decided we are going to hang out possibly this week and watch some movies and just chill. It should be cool. It rocks now because we can be friends.

Today brings volleyball, which is alright..sometimes. Today I also took an Aderol, I've come to the conclusion my ADD is terrible. But it helped sooo, sooo much. I've never concentrated so hard in my life.

This weekend should be eventful. Friday, I may be going to a club with Jimmy, Kristen, Jessica, Justin, and a whole bunch of others, maybe hanging out with Dev. And Saturday Graham may come home and we are going to ask chad if he wants to hang out then. We will see.

I've grown recently more tired of everything and everyone. Things here have no substance, or merely a point. Everyday, it is the same routine. I don't know why I have came to think moving would solve any of this, but I have, and I will mourn for freedom until that have has arrived.

Well I'm out, things are things, nothing too much to say.

Bye bye.

2005-01-04T20:01:22Z

Today was a bad, bad day. All thanks to my bestfriends, if we are even that anymores', boyfriend. First he claimed that a word I used, abutment, was out of context and grammatically incorrect for no reason. Then he accused me of plagarism when this is for a physics class, you don't have to do things properly and all you have to do to cite something is write down a friggin web site address, how hard is that? I got information from our notes and the text book because I couldn't find anything online. Even after that, I sent my paper, and if it sounded goofy they could have changed it or whatever but no, I just get yelled at because I wrote, no I forgot copied, something. Give me a break, if I did get it from a website wouldn't it have been right anyway? AHHH ASSHHOOLLE. I hope he fucking dies and burns in hell, I was always nice to him and hes always such a fucking jerk to me. Then he goes into this big blurge to someone about how he hates how he has to be nice to me because of my friend, but he doesn't and he's not nice at all. I'm so nice to him even though he took my best friend away, she was like my family, and basically killed my friendship but then again I guess I can't blaim that all on him because she doesn't seem to give a rats fucking ass either and only wants to see me when hes like gone, whatever. So I guess next time, I'll send him a copy to proof read to make sure everything is right so his girlfriend gets a good grade, and just paste web addresses on to it that I didn't even use. Whatever I guess, he can go wash his hair and keep her. I'm so done with stuff like that. They cna have eachother, I'm so done being upset about it. He's a fuck, and can think whatever he wants. He means nothing to me anymore, nothing.

Besides that, nothing else has really gone on lately. School is back in, and I hate it. I hate people. EVERYONE. Well, except for like Devan and Kari, maybe a few others I dunno. I'm just so sick of everything, and everyones problems and dealing with stupid shit all the time. I can't wait for everyone to go thier seperare ways, then I'll never have to see some people again.

I'm out, i'm so pissed and hurt. I'm done.

Over.

2005-01-02T17:37:51Z

Only you can make me feel....

It's over.

We are done.

I left him,

and all this baggage behind.

Love love love love.

2004-12-25T05:49:46Z

Yesterday now was Dev and my 6 month. Since it was the eve of christmas we couldn't spend it with eachother which sucked booty. But we spent the day before together, so it made up for it. It was such a grand day, we watched funny movies, and cuddled. I hate cuddling with him because I feel like I can never get close enough to him. He wrote me the sweetest letter ever. He's my favorite thing in this entire world- he as a person has shown me sooo much, you can't even imagine. He's such a sweetie at heart, he's my lover boy haha. We have definently formed a very firm couple bubble now. We can like finish eachother's sentences, and we do little funny things all the time between us and everyone is like uhmmm..haha. It rocks my ass. But yeah, he's an amazing dude.

Besides that mushy stuff, things have been well in the strange world of alex. I'm talking to my friend adam right now, he's so funny. I miss him.

Hmm..yeah..its christmas now..weird. I really don't like it for some reason. I loovee to give to people, but I hate to receive gifts. I feel so selfish and greedy. Egweeh...

Yeah..well I'm out..everyone enjoy thier christmas.

Pat's house yet again!!

2004-12-18T15:59:10Z

Bloooodd reeddddd.

Hey, last night was fucking unbelieveable. I had soooo much fun. The old gang got together in full force, wti hthe addition of a few new faces, and had a kick ass time. Whitney, ashley, Pat, Christine, Jimmy, Seth, John Wolff, john Crowley, Dana, Chrsitian, Zack, Jason, Dan, Lauren, Claire, exct. God was it so fun. Lots of exciting stuff happened as usual haha...christain pissing in the middle of the floor, walking in on people, random crazy stuff, laugh atacks, drunken wrestling, haha it was just a really fun night, after this week I really really needed it- badly. It was also fun when the other people were there as well and we all went insane prior to at the basketball game. Griff rocks.

I don't know whats really going on today. My boyfriend and I are supposed to hang out..so I dunno. Last night I kind of, well not ditched him, but hung out with my friends instead of him because they are all back from college and I don't think he understood. Ehh..But yehah, I really miss him. I hate not being able to see him..license..license...

Christmas is really close! I didn't ask for a thing whew! Haha..that sucks..

So..I dunno..baahh.

Well I'm out, really good noteworthy night, and hopefully another good one tonight. I love waking up in the morning and still being trashed hahaha. Wehwejkrhwer! i'm not hung over!

Bonkers.

2004-12-05T18:05:17Z

Ello.

This was weekend was pretty cool. Friday night Kari, Dev and I all hung out. We originally wanted to go skating at this crazy, cracked out roller rink in pontiac but it was 12$ to get through the door and that is a friggin rip off. So instead we headed back to highland and went billiarding lol. AT Olympic lanes haha. Wonderful. On the way home Kari and I had a heart to heart lol. Good times.

Yesterday, I saw my love again. Dev, Steve, Jason and I all attempted while..haha...to get to Detroit to go watch the Von Bondies. It took us forever to get there, and once we did it was sold out..so we went back from Detroit to Jason's where Dev and I "chilled", and Jason and Steve jammed it out on he guitar. Dev rocks. A lot.

I'm speaking with Andy right now. He rocks. Kc and I used to spend so mch time with him in good old Birmingham. I miss that.

Hm..so yeah..volleyball later on tonight..whew..yeah..

I think I'm organizing the biggest house prank in Milford/Highland history. Its going to go down at a designated time on a designated date...is it a masterpiece? We will soon know.

Hm..well I'm out..baahh bahhh.

I like sheep. Black ones.

dsrya3457A$E%^Nav GDFSGSDCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

%M*AS

2004-12-01T00:12:50Z

I'm sorry but Anime scares me.

I've come to the conclusion today that I miss so many people that I used to talk to and see so much. They are all such wonderful and fascinating people- I hope that they are all so well. And kyle, thanks for commenting, I was really happy to hear from you, you made my day!

Things are finally starting to pul back together in my life, I've calmed down a lot and now school is starting to get a bit more organized. I've realized my goals and sorted the things that are important to me, out. Whew!

This weekend I hope that I will do something really fun.

HAPPY B-DAY CASEY!

I stayed home from school today, I was so tired and felt like crap. I ate a lot and slept a lot- it kicked major ass.

Whew, well I'm out.

W$*NS^*R(%&()_

adorabalex @ 2004-11-29T14:51:00

2004-11-29T20:13:40Z

5 things that scare you
1. using other people's earrings.
2. losing Devan and or/ family and Kc.
3. the boogie man.
4. not being on time.
5. airplanes.

5 things that make you laugh
1. people.
2. farting.
3. people that think they are really sweet.
4. intoxication or ...haha.
5. Mr. Bell.

5 things (or people) you love
1. art.
2. movies.
3. devan, my family, Kc.
4. animals with narcolepsy.
5. autumn.

5 things you hate
1. conceited folks.

2. Drud addiction.

3. missing someone.

4. stress.
5. ex-girlfriends.

5 things you don't understand
1. people whom make me dislike them.
2. physics.
3. Bush supporters.
4. accidents in general.
5. ignorance.

5 things on your desk
1. CD's.
2. crackers.
3. cheese.

4. a cup of juice.
5 a purple marker.

5 of your favorite bands
1. at-the-drive-in
2. the deftones.
3. the beatles.
4. dillinger.
5. ...orgy.

5 things you are doing right now
1. chewing.
2. staring.

3. sniffling.
4. thinking.
5. my feet are cold.
5 negative facts about you
1. I can be deceitful.

2. I'm jealous.

3. I dislike myself.
4. I procrastinate.
5. I don't prioritize.

5 positive facts about you
1. I can be understanding.
2. I love to have a good time.
3. I'm a little crazy.
4. I'm always up for something new.
5. I love to listen.

5 things you plan to do before you die
1. Become a psychologist; to help people and talk to them.
2. Marry my love.
3. Travel. A lot.
4. Have children.
5. Give to all people, something many can benefit from.
5 things you can do
1. Debate.
2. Love.
3. Listen.
4. Have sex whew!
5. Try.

5 things you can't do
1. Make someone love me...forever!
2. Let things go...easily.
3. Listen to country.
4. Get above a B in fucking Physics.
5. Love...lol...I love everyone! ..Kind of..

adorabalex @ 2004-11-28T11:56:00

2004-11-28T16:56:10Z

<center><table width="50%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="16.67%" bgcolor="#d2496f"> </td><td width="16.67%" bgcolor="#ff69b4"> </td><td width="16.67%" bgcolor="#bf349a"> </td><td width="16.67%" bgcolor="#fa8281"> </td><td width="16.67%" bgcolor="#a95e84"> </td><td width="16.67%" bgcolor="#d17e6b"> </td></tr><tr><td colspan="6" align="center">devan is love</td></tr><tr><td colspan="6" align="center"><small>brought to you by the <a href="http://www.dutchfurs.com/~haze/islove/">isLove Generator</a></small></td></tr></table></center>

adorabalex @ 2004-11-28T11:55:00

2004-11-28T16:55:32Z

Wow I'm hopeless!

2004-11-25T18:08:53Z

Yesterday was Devan and my five month together. Its going by so fast now. Yesterday was filled with snow, movies, loads of cuddling, haha and a lot of good times. I have so much fun when I'm with him, we don't even have to be doing anything..we just sit..and poke fun at eachother and snuggle, and laugh haha. I have more fun sitting around with him than with a lot of other more active, and exciting things. He's the best. We're getting married. Everyone is invited but sorry, Ben Lowman is already the flower boy lol. Wow, I can't even describe how happy he makes me, or how perfect I think we will fit together. Maybe thats why no matter who we were with, or where we were, we never let og of eachother. He was always there for me behind the scenes and so was I to him. This last time was the for sure time, we are here to stay. Yay. Its just so wierd, when you find that person. I've felt the need to almost like grow up, nothing I used to like really appeals to me anymore, I just want to live and enjoy life as it comes with him at my side. We promised eachother that nothing could ever get in the way- nothing. wkejhrtuwketugtggteuwgt I'm going to go now I need to call him.

Cosmo bitches.

2004-11-19T02:24:35Z

Hey.

Haven't updated in a long while so what the hell.

Here's whats been up:

Basketball has finally come to a halt, thank god. Volleyball has now just begun and I will be playing volleyball from now until mid-June. Exciting huh? Ehh...a lot of shitty pressure, and hard work. But whatever I guess...

School is ever as hard. Grades continue to sleep, and my motivation continues to slip with it as well. I'm unsure at the moment of what to do exactly, I guess just simply try harder- but when you feel as I do, you can do anything but try. Its a horrid feeling I can assure you, and I'm having a very rough time handling it.

Relationship wise, things are marriage lol. We are amazing and going on 5 months. He bought me a necklace which was an extremely kind gesture. He told me, that he has never bought a single thing for another girlfriend because he thought he wouldn't be with them for long, and it would be a waste. So in a way, this is a sign that I do mean something to him, perhaps as much as he does to me? I hope so, because he is me, he's everything to me, its honestly amazing. Now I know why I could not ever get over him. I love that boy with all of my heart, and always will. Today. Tomorrow. And forever.

I miss Kc still, our time still decreases together, which is terrible. I care so much, and miss her, but like I dunno. Blah...no comment.

Hm..yeah..life is general has increased a little bit in exception of grades which are always a large stress in my life. But..what can you do?

Nothing else has really happened lately that is of excitement or of importance. Just Devan...haha creepy. But yeah..things are well...and I hope they are for everyone else.

Oh and everyone else should be informed that Jimmy Shoenle and I are starting a new concert location for the spring every friday and or saturday night, with special bands, different activities and basically just a place to come and hang out..something to do for a change! If you have a band or know a band that would like this, comment here or hit one of us in school.

-al

adorabalex @ 2004-11-02T00:43:00

2004-11-02T05:43:53Z

IF YOU HAVE A MEMORY WITH ME YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE POST IT!!!

Nooonn.

2004-11-02T05:36:16Z

My mood has lifted greatly and all magic has returned to the kindom of alex. Devan and I worked every kink out, well my kinks, he reassured me, and grounded me haha, like he always does, and now everything is yet again back to bliss. Wow I hate pms, seriously, this month was terrible for me pms wise, I nearly had a mental breakdown if you hadn't read the past few entiries. I just thought I'd let everyone know that things are yet again wonderful lol, and he made it all better lol...made me better. AAhh I can't wait to get married! I love this boy!! He's like the key..to my lock!? Haha...I'm just overall very happy, except when I make myself think stupid things, and act trash ass haha. Well I hope things are good for everyone else as well.